ABYSS

There is a danger in too much self-examination. Song explains what I can’t seem to say now. >>>>>>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoWRs7lXtYE

DYING (while watching a badly written soap opera scene…not surprising that a soap opera would make me want to die )

Dying…

I am.

Dying to dance

In a floral sundress

To move somewhere, move on

Dying to breath and

not hurt while at it

Dying with longing

To go home

Find Home

Dying o learn

To worship

Dying to be Held

To be broken down

Dying to scream

And run wild.

Dying to be kissed

To just live…

This time.

 

Playlist:

AC DC- Highway To Hell

WORDS I HATE… (Somewhere in a cold part of the city while feeling sorry for myself)

I love words. I do. But lawyers insist that to every rule, there’s an exception so here goes:

1)      “Mediocre”…what a waste

2)      “Ideal”…a bloody excuse to not be more than MEDIOCRE because it is impossible?!

3)      “Sweeti”…WTF!

4)      “Thin”…just the same way fat people hate the word “fat”.

5)      “Acne”…tell me one person who loves that word I’ll give you ten who don’t.

6)      “Relax”…Really???!

Playlist:

• John Mayer- Slow dancing in a Burning Room

HOMESICKNESS

I rejoice for he no longer thirsts
I rejoice for he no longer labours
I rejoice that he has found rest
I rejoice that he no longer despairs
That he searches no more
For he has found the treasure
I rejoice that he no longer wants for love
For he is now with the Eternal Lover.

I want him back
I want to say “I miss you”
I want to say “I love you”
I want to tell him that I love his face
I know every inch of it
All I have are memories now
And one huge broken string
Here I am, stuck in one long moment
Of silence with my flag at halfmast
It makes me…homesick.

Playlist:

• Homesick- Mercy Me
• Bronte- Gotye

I AM

Not here
He is
With him
I am not
We
Are not
Indifferent
I am afraid
I am not

Playlist:
• Basement Jaxx- Romeo
• John Mayer- Split Screen Sadness
• Colbie Caillat- Fearless

HOPE

I am not that strong

I am not all right

I am broken inside

I cannot hear your voice

But in all this darkness

The part of me that clings to this life

Hears a whisper that reminds me

That all I am going through

Leads me to You.

In that fleeting moment,

I find that I am encouraged.

Playlist:

• Atemi-Simama
• Jesus Culture- You are My Passion

LACERATE. (lass-er-rate)

My countenance is void of expression
There is an air of contained excitement
I’m in a room full of people
They make it look so easy,
As if they have never heard of how hard it is
To connect with another human being.
Warmth emanates from a fire crackling nearby
A faint aroma of food can be strongly sensed.
It seems normal, whatever normal means.
I let my eyes wander
Trying to memorise each familiar face.
At the sound of sudden laughter
I turn my head sharply towards
One corner of the large lounge
Feel the involuntary smile begin to form on my lips
Turn my head back to my food and concentrate
Been eating for a while now
It’s cooked to perfection; can barely stomach it.
Happiness has always been for other people
Despair…now that remains mine, truly.
Feel him as he strides over in his familiar confident manner
Sits with me…
“Talk to me,” he says.
He knows it’s hopeless, or does he?
Sighs, he does. “Try to get out there, ” he adds.
I am reduced to a mere stubborn child refusing candy
Who refuses candy after all?
Get me out of here. Get me the FUCK out of here.

Freddie © 2011

Playlist:

• Plumb- Manic
• Flyleaf- I’m so Sick

BAD DAY

Relieve me of this cotton plaid shirt
Relieve me of this tinkling metal on my wrists
Relieve me of this worn denim
And the bright socks on my feet
Relieve me of these patterned under things
And release my chest from their clasp
Relieve me of the “canvas” that covers my feet
Relieve me and leave me bare
Relieve me of the weight on my aching shoulders
And go ye with my heavy heart
Relieve me and leave me bare
Allow me to put on my woven sackcloth as
You anoint me with ashes
Leave me on my knees
With my head in my hands as I
Relieve me of my grief.
26th January, 2011 © Freddie

Playlist

• Jason Upton- Emma
• James Morrison- Wonderful world
• U2- Winter